


A fall stopped halfway

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Blood, Blood and Gore, Death, F/M, Manga Spoilers, POV First Person, Smut, Trost, and lemon, but then it gets better and fluffy, severe injuries, so don't be sad because there's a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:52:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4889959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco was in the top ten, and you, the reader, haven't even managed to get to the top twenty. So how is it that only you survived? At least for the time being...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh, cruel world

**Author's Note:**

> Because I'm bipolar and I enjoy stabbing myself in the heart, and then I decide it was a bad idea, so I have to write fluff and smut and a happy ending to it. I'm going to add more slice of life/fluff/smut/comforting chapters to it, so if you have prompts for me, go ahead! And please let me know what you think, I'm a newbie here and also a newbie to posting any of my texts online, so I'd love to hear your opinions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for spoilers (beyond anime) and VERY graphic depictions of injury, death, and gore.

We stood together among all those soldiers, looking up to the top of Wall Rose, looking at Commander Pixis and Eren. Listening. Listening to Pixis' offer for anyone to leave without punishment... but expect to see titans spreading everywhere, devouring and destroying. It sounded damn good, I couldn't lie to myself about that. Run. Hide, and spend a day, a week, maybe ten days more together. Just have more time. I wanted to think _to hell with this world_ , but hadn't we been in hell already? What a bloody coincidence. I felt fingers brushing over my hand. I looked down to see Marco's freckled palm grazing my skin. I bit my lips and tried my best to hold back a sob.

* * *

I watched Sasha curling into a ball and Daz puking his guts out. Fixing them up was futile, but still, Marco was talking to them reassuringly, trying to comfort them. I was sitting on the ground fifteen feet further, my back against the wall. I closed my eyes and supported my forehead on my hand. I felt like my head was empty, like the sounds and light around couldn't reach me, and my consciousness was floating – no, not even floating – only sustained in a thick, thick blister.

 _Maybe not all of us_ , I thought, _but most of us. Most of us won't live long enough to see the next day. I'm a shitty soldier, not the top ten, unlike Marco, not even the top twenty, right after graduation. Zero experience._ I opened my eyes. He was helping Sasha to get up, but eventually she ran away somewhere. He turned to the sick guy. I scanned the courtyard, full of soldiers and cadets running and leaping around. I saw Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie standing in a tight circle by the opposite wall. It seemed they were talking very lively. Even Annie.

Marco called my name.

I turned my head. Marco was kneeling by my side. His face was just as gentle and kind as always, but so pale under the fright and concern. My chin shook, and I squeezed my eyes shut when I felt the treacherous tears gathering too eagerly. They spilled, tracing wet lines along my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around me, and I threw myself at him to bury my face in his chest, desperately clutching my hands on the back of his military jacket, breathing in his sweaty but sweet smell.

“Please keep close, please keep close to me, please, please,” I whispered in shaky voice, barely pushing words through tightly squeezed throat.

“I really love you,” Marco whispered in a similar manner, pressing kisses into my unkempt hair. I raised my face and tenderly caught his lips with mine.

“I love you, too.”

“Oi, Marco!” I turned my head to see Reiner standing there with Bertolt and Annie. “Come, you are in our squad.” He then nodded at me. “You are with Jean, Connie, and Sasha, ______, you should go.”

“Wha-” my eyes went round. “I'm in Marco's squad!”

“Shadis' orders.” Reiner really looked sorry. I turned my eyes back to Marco. My vision was blurred with tears again.

 _Please_ , I mouthed inaudibly. Marco looked at me almost calmly, with so much affection and tenderness. He smiled gently, pecked my lips, and gave an almost unnoticeable nod. He stood up, nodded at his new squad mates, and proceeded to the check out. I caught his gaze when he looked over his shoulder at me, and gave me one more sunny, reassuring smile. Some other soldiers passed through the middle of the courtyard, shielding him from my sight, and once they cleared the view, Reiner's squad was already gone from the headquarters.

Marco believed that Jean was cut to be a leader. I believed that Jean was a jerk. I made my way to him and Connie. Sasha was still absent. 

“Huh? _______? What are you doing here?” Connie's eyebrows shot up. “Shouldn't you be with Marco's squad? I thought-”

“Shadis ordered me to hook up with you,” I said dryly. His face dropped.

“We'll be all okay, you'll see,” he said. “We have a neat plan now, from what I understand, and besides, most of the Titans will be attracted to a far corner.”

“We shouldn't have much to do with them this time,” Jean remarked. “Like he said. And we only need to fend off those that come too close to Eren anyway. Where is that damn Potato Girl?” he mumbled, adding one more curse under his nose.

Sasha finally stumbled over, her face maybe even paler than mine. We proceeded to the check point, and further, to Trost. 

To hell.

* * *

I commanded Jean to help me in my search. Reiner, Annie, and Bertolt proved to be useless; they only told me that they lost their sight of Marco one moment, and didn't intercept him later. There was a cold knot tightening in my stomach when we didn't find him in the outdoor infirmary, filled with dozens of wounded and dying soldiers, their cries and whimpers, and stench of blood, puke, and rot. We inspected those with their faces torn or covered in so many bruises that they resembled masks conceived in some sick mind.

Marco was nowhere to be found, and we couldn't linger. There was work to be done. Morbid work.

We tied cloth over our mouth and noses, aprons over our fronts, and pulled on waterproof gloves. We delved into the streets of Trost covered in rubble... and bodies... and fragments of them. I was shaking. Jean was stepping beside me, sweat on his temples. His pupils were constricted, he was clenching his glove-clad fists.

Then he stopped, and so did I. I followed his eyes and my lips parted.

“M-” I tried to whisper. “M-m-” Jean grasped my shoulders, but I tore myself away and fell to my knees. “MARCOOOOO! MARCO! _MAAARCOOO!_ ” I screamed, reaching my hand to him, even though he was out of my reach. I crawled, crying my lungs out, unable to form anything coherent any more, feeling my throat burning like it was being ripped apart, but it was nothing compared to the overwhelming pain under my ribs. My voice reached the upper limits and it broke. I sat on my heels next to his left side, the side left intact, and I pressed my face to the ground, grasping his hand, his cold hand, so cold, so cold...

“AAAAAAAAAAAAH! MAAAAARCOOOOOOOO!” I tried to hug him, my arms wrapped around what was left of his chest, my sleeves soaking with rotting flesh and coagulated blood, the bits of crushed ribs sticking into my skin, it smelled so terrible, so foreign, there was nothing left of his oh so calming, wonderful scent... I rocked slightly back and forth, and his head tilted to rest on my shoulder, vile spilled over my jacket and shirt. I heard thumping footsteps. They were reaching my ears, but they could have been as much sourced in another universe, unreal and distant. My left hand went up to the back of Marco's head, all bloody, his hair sticky and stiff, nothing like those silky strands I used to dive my fingers between when we kissed... There was nothing. Nothing remained.

I straightened my back and leaned him forward, placing what was left of his head and neck on my lap, the intact side up. I was all covered in rotting blood and bits of flesh. It was so fitting. I felt dead. I wailed monotonously, one constant, shaky, terrible sound, while I gently stroked his cheek and hair with the tips of my fingers. I tilted my chin up, looking at the grey sky, and I closed my eyes, tears making their way down and soaking into the cloth covering my nose and mouth.

“Marcooo... _Maaaarcoooo..._ ” I lamented, my voice too hoarse to break into a scream. “ _Uuuu-uuuuuuuh..._ ”

“Cadet, do you know him?” a dry, tired voice asked.

“Y-yes,” Jean's own voice was shaky and humid.

“Cadet, please, just tell me the name, it's been two days, we are risking an outbreak.”

“M-Marco Bott, from the 104th t-trainee squad.”

“Marco, huh? Thank you.”

Hands were placed on my shoulders.

“_______, you need to get up,” said Bertolt quietly.

“Leave me alone!” I screeched, pushing his hands off. “It's your fault! _Your fault!!!_ You were supposed to watch over each other!!!”

“I'm s-sorry,” Bertolt sobbed through a clenched throat. “I'm so s-sorry...”

I was lifted up. I screamed, squirming wildly. I kicked to the back and hit Reiner's shin. He groaned.

“_______, you need to get up, please,” he said. “I'm sorry.”

“Leave me alone!” I scratched at his forearms and wiggled my legs.

“_______, please.”

“FUCK OFF!”

“_______...” I heard Sasha, her voice breaking. “Please. I need you, w-we all do.” It was true that I had been behaving like a mother hen towards the other cadets from our squad, being six years older than most of them, just like Marco. I went limp in Reiner's grip, he had to keep me standing up now.

“G-give me the patch from h-his jacket,” I whispered, giving up. I let my head drop to my chest. I heard cloth ripping and Bertolt put the little patch with two crossed trainee swords into my front pocket with one more “sorry”.

“She obviously can't work,” Annie's cold remark floated from behind.

“I'll take her to the headquarters,” Sasha offered between sobs. “She needs a clean-up, too.”

I let them. I didn't care.

* * *

I was sitting before burning stakes. The stench was overwhelming, burning corpses, some fresh, but most well decomposed. I was sitting very close, the radiating heat was nearly unbearable. I was hugging my knees, digging my nails into the skin of my arms. I had no idea which stake contained Marco's body, hidden among all the other cadavers stacked into too many flaming piles.

Jean was saying something, but the roar of fire made it difficult to note the words. I didn't care anyway, until he said aloud that he was going to sign up to the Scouting Legion. What a change. I could choose between the Legion and the Garrison, since I was too weak of a soldier to get into the Military Police. I used to plan to get into the Garrison, to be closer to Marco. And to be safer.

I didn't care now. I signed up to the Legion. From the 104th squad, only that bitch Annie went on to the Police. I hoped I'd be among those 70% that were said to die on their first venture into the titan's land, at first, but then I figured that there needs to be someone to remember Marco. And Sasha constantly hammered into my head that Marco wouldn't like me to die. I thought that the rest of the squad had made her babysit me.

* * *

I was standing at the top of Wall Rose. It was dawn, and we barely made it out of the ruined castle. I was watching Ymir, limp on the ground, surrounded by Hange, Historia, and some other recruits. I heard Reiner. I turned my gaze to him and I froze. His wounded hand was steaming, like a wound on a titan, and he was removing the fresh bandages that I wrapped around it just an hour ago. Mikasa passed by me and stood a couple of steps further, her hands at the handles of her swords. 

“I'm the Armoured Titan,” said Reiner. I felt like I fell into a winter river, cold sweat broke all over my skin. 

“R-Reiner, what are you-” Bertolt went pale, a drop of sweat trailed down his temple. “We are doing this... _now?_ ” 

“And he is the Colossal Titan.” 

“Eh, guys, maybe you have a shitty sense of humour, or you are just tired...?” Eren mumbled, taking a step back. 

“Maybe you are right,” Reiner chuckled awkwardly. 

“It's your fault,” I said quietly. They looked at me, their faces somewhat surprised. “ _It's really your fault._ ” I progressed towards them, stumbling, my skin covered in goosebumps. I raised my hand to point at Bertolt. “It's your fault. Marco... _Marco..._ ” I hit Bertolt on his chest. He winced, but did nothing to stop me. “Marco is dead and it's _your fault_ ,” I hit him again, harder. I couldn't reach his face, so I rammed myself at him, making both of us fall to the ground. The others watched in shock as I was sitting on Bertolt's stomach, punching his chest, over his heart, again, and again, and again, shrieking at my top notes. I was losing it. “It's your fault! It's your fault! _Your fault!_ You killed _him!_ You murdered him! Murderer! _MURDEREEEEER!_ ” 

Then everything went back into action. Bertolt pushed me aside and jumped to his feet, ready to fight back. Mikasa struck Reiner, cutting off his hand, and almost decapitated Bertolt, blood was everywhere, I was dizzy after my head hit the cold stone. Suddenly, there was an outburst of light and flame as the traitors transformed. Eren and Mikasa managed to duck and run to safety. I didn't. 

The blast sent me flying over the edge of the wall to meet a 50 meters drop. I had my gear on me and I believed I could anchor myself and maybe survive the crash with the wall, but I did nothing. My heart was racing and I was sure I was about to piss myself. I wasn't facing the ground, I was watching the top of the wall flying upwards. Then, however, I was caught in Reiner's thick, hard, gigantic hand. The sudden stop was terrible – all the air left my lungs, an unbearable pain shot throughout my whole body, my sight went black for a good moment. I gasped for a breath. Sharp pieces of my broken equipment were piercing deeply into my lower back, I could feel my blood pouring onto Reiner's armoured palm. I was sure I had broken bones. My eyes started working again, but I could not focus them on anything, the world was blurred and swirling. There was blood in my mouth and nose as well. I _hoped_ I was dying. 

“Hey, Marco,” I mouthed, sounds barely crawling out between my lips. “I expect... a warm... welcome. Fuck you... titans. I'm... out.” 

The last thing I heard was Eren's roar. 


	2. The times after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The life was fast, dangerous, and bitter, with rare sweet moments, and it's time to leave it behind. It's not bad... not bad at all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A healing balm for my heart. Fluff and smut and more fluff and...

I sat up. I watched, unmoved, as Reiner gestured to Eren to pause until he placed my body in some safe spot. I don't think he realised that I was already dead. My corpse looked terrible. My face was twisted in pain, stained with blood that spilled out of my mouth and nose, and pale grey in those rare spots where it wasn't burned red by the unimaginable heat of Colossal Titan's vapours. My arms and legs were poking at angles that would made me cringe if I was able to make myself care.

I got to my feet and I realised I was naked. Now that was awkward. I decided it would be nice to have the formal uniform on, so the next moment I stood in nice clothes, in that long, handsome coat with winged emblems.

I sat down next to my body and I watched the fight. Reiner was winning, but then Eren seemed to had found a way to deal with him... but when transformed Bertolt fell to the ground, Eren was done for. I observed inertly as they kidnapped him. Sasha, Connie, and Jean came down to see what happened to me. Sasha cried openly, the boys had tears in their eyes. They tied me to Jean's back and my body floated to the sky with them, on the top of Wall Rose. I followed them. It was a strange sensation, I moved like I was swimming, although I was sure I didn't have to make all those gestures.

My feet touched the flat top of the Wall and I stared at the remains of the 104th squad gathering around my corpse. Lots of soldiers were laying unconscious, burns marking their skin and clothes. Ymir was gone. I assumed the traitors captured her along with Eren. What a bother. Sasha was curled up next to my body, shaking with loud sobs; Connie knelt next to her to stroke her hair. I reached my hand to put it on her shoulder. Had she felt it, which I doubted, she must have thought it was Connie's.

“I guess I should move on,” I shrugged. 

The truth was, the nervous knot twisting in my ghostly guts was getting unbearable.

“Marco, come out, don't make me wait. It's been two months,” I hissed, looking around. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply when I felt a hand on my shoulder. My eyes prickled under the eyelids and tears streamed down my cheeks. I turned around and threw myself into his arms, clutched my fists on his jacket, and wailed, and sobbed. Oh, that sweet, sweet smell... “Don't you ever leave me again,” I gasped, shaking in his embrace. He was placing kisses into my hair, stroking circles on my back.

“Not ever,” Marco whispered shakily. He gently tilted my head up with his fingers, and I finally looked into those gorgeous, warm eyes, now filled with tears. There was an ugly, irregular scar running across his face and neck, diving under the collar of his shirt. I knew it was following the horrific wound that lead him to his death. I traced kisses along the scar, starting at his forehead and making my way down to his lips. I hummed into the kiss, closing my eyes and diving my fingers into his silky hair. Oh, how I missed that, how much... I nuzzled the crook of his neck, deeply breathing in his smell. Marco ran his hands up my back and down to press me closer. He tilted his head to rest his cheek on my hair, taking slow, full breaths, rubbing circles into my hips with his thumbs.

“Let's get going,” I murmured. “Could you carry me, perhaps? That'd be quite a nice way to start a new life.” Marco chuckled and nodded, lifting me up, one arm under my knees, the other supporting my back. I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you so much,” I mumbled on the edge of sleep. His lips grazed my forehead and I heard the reply before I drifted off with a peaceful smile.

* * *

My consciousness slowly floated to the surface. I was warm, tugged under soft covers in my underwear, inhaling Marco's smell. The place was filled with light, but I didn't open my eyes. Instead, I nuzzled Marco's hair and pulled him closer to press light kisses on top of his head. He murmured something incoherent and turned to bury his face in my chest, snaking his arm to my hip with a happy sigh. My heart was about to punch itself outside through my ribs. I let my eyelids slide up a tiny bit to gaze at Marco's peaceful expression, his hair messy, lips parted a little, long eyelashes adorning his face just as much as his freckles. My sight followed his scar that was emerging from between his hair to delve over his forehead, cheek, jaw, neck, collarbone, and chest. The rest was hidden under the sheets. I closed my eyes again, letting two small tears spill. I tried to hold back a sob.

“It's really...” I whispered. Marco stirred and gazed at me with very, very sleepy eyes. He upped himself on his elbow and moved his other hand from my hip to cup my face. His whole face radiated love, and the sleepiness made it even sweeter.

“We are safe,” he answered, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb. “We are together, and we are safe. And it's never going to change,” he leaned down to give me a tender kiss. I dived my fingers between his hair and pulled him closer. He nearly lost balance and let go of my cheek to support himself on both arms. His half-lidded eyes locked with mine.

“Marco,” I sighed, savouring the sound of his name. “It's really you.” I brought my hands from the back of his head to his face, delicately tracing my fingertips over it, feeling the shapes, the soft freckled skin, the little morning stubble, the scar. Temples. Cheekbones. Jawline. Lips. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a calm breath. The bed creaked when Marco steadied his arms and tilted his head down and a bit to the side to brush his lips against mine. I hooked my leg at his hip and answered with a long, slow kiss. He hummed, shifting his weight to one arm, the other wandered down to rub circles on my thigh. His lips were gliding at mine in steady motions, explaining the love, and all the longing that built up after he...

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping for the memory to go away, and I smashed my lips to his, turning the kiss from calm to hungry and passionate. Marco moaned and dug his fingers into my skin, sending shivers throughout my body. I poked him with my knee and he lifted himself up a bit, so I could snake my leg below and hug his hips between my thighs. He rocked gently and I groaned, feeling his arousal grinding at my lower regions. Heat raised to my neck and cheeks as he continued the motions. I ran my hands up and down his back, and I pulled at his underwear. Marco bit my lower lip and slid his tongue in, earning a muffled whimper from me. His fingers wandered around my breasts, pressing and massaging until I arched my back and pressed my hips to his, causing more of that sweet friction. Marco moaned into the kiss and squeezed my breast before he cupped my face with one hand and showered my face with feather kisses, trailing them down my neck to my collarbones as he crawled back to my knees. He nibbled my nipple on his way and grazed my stomach. I gripped the sheets and turned my head to the side when he started pulling off my pants, whispering how much he missed me. I watched with half-hooded eyes as he placed my underwear to the side and began kissing the inner side of my thigh, closer and closer...

I tilted my head back and moaned aloud when his lips lapped at my clit, tongue slid around, evoking tingling sensations that ran straight to my heart and head. My toes curled when he carefully entered his finger inside me to move it in and out at a steady pace, all while he was licking and sucking at me. My breaths became uneven gasps when he added one more finger, and another, bending them and going faster. I moved my shaking hand to tangle my fingers between his dishevelled hair.

“Oh _______,” mumbled Marco before he removed his fingers and traced kisses on the side of my thigh again. He knelt up to take off his underwear, hovered over my form and without further delays he pushed into me, letting out a loud groan that mixed with mine. I clang to him, one hand holding onto the back of his neck, the other digging fingernails into his back, my legs crossed above his hips. I squirmed to meet his movements and locked my eyes with his; their colour resembled now of chocolate melted by heat. A warm blush spread on Marco's cheeks and he was panting heavily; he bit his bottom lip before he captured mine in a loving kiss, albeit rather sloppy due to all the movement.

The bed creaked piercingly as he flipped us over, it was now me on the top. We hugged closely, desperately, and I ground back and forth, running my fingers through Marco's damp hair when he hid his face in the crook of my neck to muffle a loud moan.

“I'm not leaving you ever again,” he mumbled, words hazy and almost inaudible among the panting. “I love you, I love you so much...” I pushed him onto the pillows. My face hovered over his, my breasts were brushing at his chest in rhythm with the rocking of my hips. I leaned a bit lower to kiss him hungrily, not so gently biting on his lips until they were slightly reddened and swollen.

“I know,” I whispered hoarsely, digging my fingers into his chest. “I know. I love you, Marco. I love you so much.” He cupped my face in response and answered with the same passionate kiss, earning gasps from me. He sat up and we clang closely to each other again, our chests pressing together, hearts pounding at the same crazy pace.

“Mmmarco,” I groaned, burying my face in his shoulder and scratching his back. “Maaarcooo,” I sighed louder, going with the tension building up in my abdomen. “Marcooo!” I yelled, shaking, digging my fingernails into his shoulder blades, closing my eyes shut. Marco gasped and squeezed me in his embrace, thrusting into me erratically as he neared. He dived his fingers between my hair and pressed his cheek to mine. His shallow, quick breaths ghosted over my ear. He let out a low groan and let his head tilt down onto my shoulder.

“I missed you... so much,” I whispered shakily, running my fingers through his damp hair while Marco nuzzled my cheek before he covered my face in butterfly kisses. We stayed like this for a good moment, hugging and caressing each other, calming our breaths and heartbeats. Marco cupped my face and rested his forehead on mine, eyes closed, thumbs gently stroking my cheeks. He wasn't smiling. There was relief, love, and sadness written all over his features.

“You all right?” I murmured, stroking his hair. He took his time before he answered, he grazed my lips with his index finger before he sealed them with a light kiss. His head moved and I felt his breath brushing against the shell of my ear.

“No,” he answered slowly, his lips almost touching my ear. “I'm all left.”

My throat blocked for a second.

“No, you didn't... did you just...?” I snorted, trying to hold myself back, but once he started laughing, I lost it. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" I rolled over onto the bed and cackled until my eyes prickled. “I so fell for that,” I squealed, almost out of breath, making Marco laugh even more. He lay down next to me and pulled me into an embrace, still shaking with giggles.

“That was maybe half as bad as your usual jokes,” I pointed out.

“Seems like my level has dropped,” he sighed with amusement. I nuzzled his hair and traced simple patterns on his chest with my index finger, pretending to make lines connecting all the freckles.

“I don't remember the last time we laughed like that,” I said. Marco turned on his side to face me, and I hooked my leg over his thigh. We shared a couple of tender kisses. “Feels great,” I mumbled.

“It does indeed.”

I closed my eyes. Our faces were so close that we shared our breaths. They weren't the nicest smelling morning breaths, but I didn't care. I sighed deeply through my nose. 

“How about a nap before breakfast?” he murmured. I smiled and nuzzled his cheek, pressing one more kiss on the corner of his lips.

We melted away into a peaceful doze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and on that day, a half of the humanity received a grim reminder that xl_tt provides the most disgusting and terrible puns.


End file.
